After all this time i wonder if my path so far is the right one. If so, why is it so hard. If it's the path I should take, why am I lost for so long.

As i re-read my previous posts, it suddenly hit me that during that time when i had everything in my hands, deep inside I knew something bad was going to happen. And i guess this is it. When i had my dreams achieved and all coming true, i somehow felt that it was just too surreal and such miracle doesnt happen to me. I should have known better that it was true. I should have realised earlier that my endings has never been or will be a happily ever after. Everytime something unexpectedly great happens, something bad will follow and crush me down once again. I wonder how everytime it occurs, i will always keep on hoping it will be alright. Maybe i should just give up already. I was never someone great or someone that people will stop and look at twice if not to ridicule.

The thing is im afraid. Scard that when my time is up I have things Ive regret not achieving. Being 23 may seem young but I know me and I predict I might die young. Im giving myself a time limit of 40 years. Mayb slightly younger or older but around that age I suppose. I have my reasons. And if so, then I only have 17 years to live my life. My to do list can stretch to endless number of pages but i know i have to pick  with accordance to piriorty.
How could I when i dont even know where I stand now.

Someday. One day. I hope it comes soon.

And to end yet another depressing post ...

An advice from my daily horoscope though:
Accept yourself, love yourself, forgive yourself and move on in confidence!

If only I could. One day i will but not now. Im still down in the dumps.