And so I sent in that letter and boy the reaction I got was HUGE. I realise that it will be quite a shocker when i do so but, to the extend of not wanting to talk to me or that that questioning look on everybody faces as if I had committed an unforgivable sin was totally unexpected.

But no matter what I have made up my mind and I'm sticking to it. I'm being selfish for once coz I know myself and it's for my own good. Being in this setting have definitely made me grow as a teacher but at the same time it drains me out. And I still have 3 more years of my degree life to continue & I can't risk falling sick and having my nightmares to actually happen. So for the next 32 more days I shall stick it out and come what may, I will say my final goodbye when the time comes.

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Just as I thought my job acceptance was a done deal and that I couldn't be more than happier, I made that decision to look and see what the other job interview offers. At the back of my mind I never would have thought I will have to dwell over 2 great offers but that I did and I was truly overwhelmed. In a good way of course. So when I had a second job offer, on the spot i might add, I started to analyse and worry like how i usually do. Both the choices are great. I can see myself working in either or. However, in about 24hrs, I had to make a final decision and to decline and offer without regrets. And finally i made that call, i made that decision and i stick with the place where i first fell in love with. For one coz i love the environment, the place where the school is located and even the building of the school itself. Also because I went with my gut. For some reason, when i applied to all the places, i somehow had this feeling i will end up there.

This brings to what been bugging me all this while: gut feeling, intuition. How do you trust those. Some say it's what your heart is saying and that you should listen to it. Some say that you should not coz it's what you feel and therefore it's not logical and thus you cant really depend on it.
But to me, ur gut feelings Is somewhat ur guardian angel that softly pointing you to the right direction. They whispers in your heart and only when you really listen, then will you hear. Many a times I realise if I decide not to listen to my intuition, I will come to see that I've made the wrong decision. It's not something that's easy to do I know. We all have been through it and time and time again it never gets any easier. Nonetheless we do still rely on it and that my friend will always be.

May you gut be with you =P

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Alhamdulillah. I got the job; The one which place I fell in love with since my first interview. I must have done something right and said something good that I actually did it. I can't say what exactly coz throughout the two interviews I had, I was just being myself. And as they say, be yourself and the people that appreciates you for who you are will.

I was in doubt for a while in making the decision to accept the offer. But as straightened out my thoughts with the help of a great friend, it's finally decided. To the hill I shall go. =)

I never did plan what to say nor did I try to anticipate what will be asked. The first interview was unexpected. And since it was a last minute set up, I did not have the time to think it through. The second interview, I was so nervous I try not to think of it so much. For goodness sake, I was meeting the director of the company. How not to be nervous?
Throughout the interviews I went (apart from these 2), I realise I've grown as a person. I'm more confident (I had the lowest self-esteem throughout my teen years) and my passion for teaching and moulding young minds only gets stronger. I've said this before and will say this again: in years to come, I will stay in this industry coz definitely I'm doing something that I love.

But believe me, teaching the young is a challenge by itself. If you think having 1 and dealing with just 1 can be a terror, imagine having 20 or right now 40, under your care. You have to knows everything about them. Their strengths and weaknesses, their interest and having them to love you back. For sure they will not judge you. No matter how you look, what you wear or came from. If they know you love them with all your heart, they will do the same.

I'm looking forward towards the new challenge. To learn something new and to continue to fall in love with teaching. I will definitely miss my kids and my colleagues. They are the ones that help me grow and be a better teacher. But I believe the work environment in my future workplace not only will be better but because I got attracted to their company culture and how they respect and put the teachers first. Right now, from where I stand, that is another story. So let's move on to where I believe we as teachers are more appreciated. It has been a great almost 3 years.

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Backdated post no. 3

And so the month of April is here. Ive been waiting for a year for my hard work put in. And im talking about the staff appraisal we had recently. Received the Outstanding Kindergarten Teacher award and im honoured truly. I was hoping definitely but i too prepared myself for not getting it especially when my other colleagues are amazing as well. Truthfully without them colleagues I dont think i would have stayed long in this industry nor realise my passion for teaching. With this award has made me more determined to be a better teacher but sadly not where i am right now. Not that im not grateful for what ive learn and experienced for the almost past 3 years but because im too tired having to juggle so much on my plate. Having 40 kiddos under me means double the work than most of my colleagues. Plus my projects and assignments. Im burned each day and week and i keep on counting to each public holidays and school holidays. This wasnt me 2 years ago. I love teaching and time just passes by without having to countdown to. So i need this breather and this fresh air and to try something new.

Right now Im praying and hoping one of my interviews to pull through coz i fell in love with the serenity of the place and everything that the center offer. Insyallah it will. As they say and what mum always emphasizes; good things will happen to those who waits. God too will reward those who have patience and faith in him. And that what I shall do.

Nowadays i find myself exhausted all the time. I dont meet up with my friends at all and even at home I will be doing work work or work and projects. I dont have the weekends nor the night off. So you tell me is this healthy. And dont get me started on other reasons why I want the change. Hopefully by end month I will have clinch something that i want to stay for years to come.

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Backdated post no. 2

So much for wanting and trying to write a post or two a week. More than a month since I declared that but nothing had actually been written. Having that twitter account is the main culprit of me not writing. Yes I'm finger pointing but truly, with twitter at any moment of time I can just tweet what I'm feeling or going through with everyone I knows, to know. Nonetheless, blogging will still be THE avenue for me to pen down my thoughts in more than 140 characters.

Let's start off with work yet again. When you're married to your work, it just revolves around you no matter what. And so from the last post I wrote about loving my parents and all, alhamdulillah so far it has been ok. Not as smooth sailing as I hoped for, but still something to not be worried about. My kiddos this year have been a challenge. Not behaviour wise but more to their academics. I do not remember it was this hard taking on K1s 2 years ago. Nonetheless I love them to bits and pieces and there have been significant improvement to some of them and I'm proud. And I'm afraid when it's time for me to leave in about 2 months time, I will really miss them all.
Yup I'm leaving and no it's not just something i'll say and not do anything about it. Job hunting have been ongoing and interviews had been called to. All's that left is that confirmation call/ email. I'm truly grateful for the experience I have had so far but recently things have been going on from bad to worst. Furthermore I want to expose myself to someplace new and fall in love with teaching again. I still love doing what I'm doing but having 40 kiddos to look out for and studying for my degree on the other hand, it do really do take a toll on you. By 5, I'm all exhausted and if there's sch, I have to last till 11.30pm till I reach home and then it's back to work again the next day. As much I can work well under pressure, too much of it do affect my health and I can't have that happening.

With the hectic months of April & May coming up, definitely it will make me more determined to go.

Let's wait and see.

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This was supposed to be posted up months ago. But here goes. More backdated posts to come.

"You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true."

And I for one is guilty of that; all this fairy tale stuffs when i know it all too well that it's just one's imagination and is just child's play. But arent you guilty of that too? Even if you dont really want to admit it, deep down inside you wish that somehow your world will have fairy tale ending. That maybe actually you still do hold on to that faith that the fairy tales you were told once can will come true in your reality? But what is this faith you think you hold on so tightly to? To some, doing so is just a waste of time cos faith makes you wait. It makes you wonder. It makes you vulnerable. And it makes you believe too much of things you're suppose to let go. But faith on the other hand keeps you human. It keeps you grounded. It keeps you sane. It keeps your hopes alive and it keeps you ... you.

Faith to me helps me to strive on each and every waking day. I have faith that my life has a purpose and that every step I take will eventually lead me to my final destination. I put in my best in all that I do coz I have faith that if I do something to the best of my abilities, it will work out for me in the end no matter how bad it initially seem to be or how dark the road I'm heading to is. Faith makes me the person I am today. Faith makes me believe in what suppose to be and what will be. Coz ultimately your live is controlled by the almighty himself. All you have to do is believe and have faith that what he has planned for you is what will be the best for you.

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I cant help it but thinks that there's something wrong with me. While everyone I know are creating their new found happiness, I never did find mine. Mayb i may never find mine. I shall learn to live with it. Coz after a quater of a century, it comes to a point that giving up is just the best thing to do. Mayb so, mayb not. But lets just leave it at that. Goodbye.

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I'm trying to start on something new for my blog. Other than the normal boring stuff I write about work and such, mayb I should have a focus. From any random topic, I shall put some of my thoughts, reflections and if there is, any life experiences into it. I should do this blogging thing once a week or two. If you do have any random topics for me, do drop me a message. Get the ball rolling and maybe we can exchange ideas from it as well.

In the meantime while I think of some topics to get my blogging rolling, let's once again go back to the topic of my work.The long weekend sadly is coming to an end. 7 full weeks of work will start soon and I'm bracing myself for it all. Especially when school is going to start this week as well. Actually my focus on this work post is to put in an update on the application I sent out almost a month ago. Received a reply that all application is in the process of being evaluated. And hopefully by the 31st, they will call those short listed up for an interview. I'm truly hoping I'll be one of them. But if not, I shall move on to Plan B. So here's to 6 days of waiting. Let's hope to end January with something great. And let's hope by February or March I have my final 6 month of 2012 all planned out. I know that something what you plan may not happen but at least I know I've done something to change my situation than sitting and mopping around hoping that things will get better.

Till then, Blessed Be ~

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Just because I am bored, here I am. Work officially started today. Well sort of. Met my parents and I must say I love how friendly they all are. Let's hope they will stay so till forever. Work only gets easier when you have supportive parents. No matter how active or mischievous the kiddos are, having understanding parents does make up for all that.

And yesterday, despite being a Public Holiday, I headed down to work for almost 8 hours just to have my work completed. And I came up with a conclusion, whoever I marry one day will have to marry my work as well. My work right now is my passion and its also a part of me that makes me sane. I find purpose in doing what I do. I foresee myself doing this for years to come. Teaching kids below the age of 6 is something I love to do. I could just relate to them better. And definitely it keeps me young. Haha. I'm thankful I could find a job I love and not something I have to do. Despite the measly pay and the crazy never-ending workload, the children are the ones that motivates me to push on. Right now, I have conflicting thoughts to stay at where I am now or go. Reason being to experience something new and continue to grow as a teacher. Yes definitely the upper management do play a role in me wanting to leave but my colleagues, kiddos and parents are my staying factors. So how now brown cow? Maybe I should just sent out my resumes and see where it goes. If I can get a better offer, I may consider. If not, then maybe I'm meant to stay at where I am.

Moving on from work, with 2012 already at our doorstep, I can't help it but feel old. I will be 26 this year for goodness sake. There is so much I want to accomplish. Yet I'm not sure yet where my life is heading. "Sometimes I still feel like a little girl who doesn't belong in her own world". People have things that they are proud of - Some have impressive careers, some have their own happy family, some get to travel the world. Me? I'm not sure yet. I have bits of pieces of everything I guess. But I still want to know what is it in my life that people are envious about/of. Only just because I want to feel much more thankful. Don't get me wrong here. I'm truly am thankful with how my life is going right now, but as humans we have our own insecurities. And mine would be ending my life not knowing what I am proud of accomplishing nor making any difference even in the smallest way possible. I just want to give back.

I'm glad right now I starting to get busy - with work and school. Bring on the crazy schedules! But be prepared of my never ending complains. Haha.

Toddles.

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Who would have thought that 2012 had finally made it's arrival. Back then it was the year everyone was talking about. Even up till last year, 2013 still seemed so far away. Lo and behold, here we are. Went through all my past entires in 2011 and I realised how little there are compared to previous years postings I've done. So my first new year resolution is to ... blog more. Speaking of resolutions, i used to, for a few years before think that it was a waste of time making them. Coz in the end I never followed it all through. But as the saying goes, if you fail to plan, you only plan to fail. And sayings my dears are not made up for fun. There is definitely some truth in that. And as you grow older, you'll learn to realise its worth. Back again to the saying, planning and goal setting are important ONLY IF what you set are achievable. Only when I start setting achievable and realistic goals, I began to see that I have a direction to go to and not at the end of the year felt as if I have accomplished nothing. So let's see what I've done last year (in no particular order)

1) HONG KONG
2) Taking up a degree in ECE
3) F1 at a much better grandstand
4) Passed QRS for my centre
5) Survived taking on 2 K2 classes

These are just the major ones that are at the top of my head. There are surely more things that I am proud of but if I were to list all of em' down I bet this entry will never end. Overall 2011 had been a learning journey for me. By far, it had been the longest year I've been through. Turning a quarter of a century old had made me more matured in some ways and I realised how different I was back then. They say once you've reached the all scary 2-5, the years after will just zoom past. Truth be told, I'm afraid of what my future holds. If 25 years of my life can just come and go in a blink of an eye, what more 25 years from now. Whatever it is, bring it on, coz with courage in my heart and god by my side, I will design my life as best as I can. No regrets.

So for 2012 my resolutions are:

1) As said earlier: blog more
2) Get a least a GPA of 3.5 and above
3) Find a new workplace or make the current one much2 better
4) Vacation with the family
5) Fall in love (Ok this one is not really realistic or achievable but a girl can still dream can't she?)

In another news, though I doubt anyone really cares but I shall continue my blog post of HK soon. I forgot to save after writing for day 3 - 5 and now I had to retype it all over again. So just wait for it. Till then, have a blessed new year!!

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I have yet to continue my post that was abrupted incomplete since i had to restart my lappy for updates. Nonetheless here's a penny for my thoughts. Hopefully shorter than the one that i will post up soon.

The song 'Graduation' by Vitamin C was played on radio a few days ago and it got me thinking. There was this one part of the song that says "And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives. Where we're gonna be when we turn 25" and it continues on to "Can we survive it out there? Can we make it somehow?".
Coz right now my dears, we have all reached 25 and as difficult as it is, we are now out there and we are struggling to make it somehow. When i first heard the song, to reach 25 was then still a long way to go and i could not imagine me being 25. There was so much i want to do and go through and it seems like i have all the time in the world. When i think about it right now i cant remember what was it i have wanted to do. I cant even tell you now if my dreams have come true. As the years goes by all our hopes and dreams for the future keep on changing. First i wanted to be a doctor den a hotelier den have my own bakery business den an events planner den a pre sch teacher and now, i dont even know anymore.

You know how sometimes when you read a book you have that tendency to read the final chapter to know what will the ending be like? And when you do, you will still go back to where you stop to keep on reading to finish d book proper. Well if only life could be that way. If only we can have a glimpse to our final chapter so that we can stop worrying whether we're on the right track. Den again some would argue that if we do, life would not be interesting. Or that thats what faith is for - work your best and pray that it will fall into place like how it should be. But what if, what if you are given that choice, that chance to see. Would you? Would you want to know at least how you'll turn out? Coz in the end the experience of getting there is the fun part of life little adventures right?

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